Your partner is your most valuable mirror

Your partner is your most valuable mirror

Your partner is your most valuable mirror

Not to demand, but to look inward

The biggest problem in life is this: not being able to see your own problems.

While this blindness is easy to understand - it’s because we can’t see that problems are problems.

Yet therein lies the problem: when problems occur, we always have the habit of pointing our fingers at others and forgetting to look at ourselves.

Why he talks to you like that, that’s his problem, why he uses that attitude, that’s his business, who knows what he’s thinking.

But why do you care so much? Why do you feel hurt? Why are you so angry? The problem is with you, and that’s what you need to care about.

Close your eyes and look within yourself. Forget about the person who accused you, don’t think about it, forget about it no matter what others have done, just go deeper into yourself. You will find the wound within you.

Whenever you feel hurt, remember that it is because you have a wound. Just because you have one, or even many wounds, you are sensitive to screaming and jumping whenever someone else touches it without thinking about it.

You are suffering, not because of someone else’s mistake, they may have done something, but that is their business, unless you have a wound on you, you will not be affected in any way, no matter if they sprinkle salt, water, or even touch casually.

Running a relationship should always focus on yourself, asking others to take responsibility for you is tantamount to “begging”, you become a slave, and this will sooner or later be led by the nose.

To become a master, a person must learn that “I must be fully and unconditionally responsible for whatever happens to me.”

In the beginning you will feel frustrated because you can no longer find the answers in others, but if you can persevere, continue to “look inward”, turn the hand that points to others to point to yourself, and turn the demands on others to demands on yourself, soon you will be able to live your own life.

Your partner is your most valuable mirror

Not to change, but to accept

The purpose of love is for each other to learn to become “more desirable” and “more complete”.

However, this is where the problem lies. When people enter into love, they tend to get confused and instead of making themselves ideal; they try to make the other person fit their ideal; instead of making themselves more complete, they expect the other person to fill their own shortcomings.

You go and observe people’s relationships, are they picking on each other and trying to change each other?

When you love a woman, you immediately start to improve her, and you think she should be how she is.

Of course, she will improve you in turn, asking you to do this and that, asking you to do this or that: “Talk like this” “Behave like that”.

Then the problem comes when the other person is not “this or that”.

Haven’t you noticed? Couple’s fight back and forth about the same things, the same issues, the same conflicts.

The wife has a concept that the husband should be this way, and the husband thinks the wife shouldn’t be that way. Both parties are trying to change each other to make the other person conform to their “ideal version”, and they end up messing up what was a good relationship.

In the end, they even stopped talking, what to say?

Because the moment they open their mouths to talk means the argument starts again, and that’s the same old issue with no room for change. Anyway, they’ve argued countless times, and every time it ends the same way, and they’ve become so frustrated with each other.

If you understand human nature, you will find that trying to change someone is a hard thing to do.

How can you change someone else? Have you ever heard of anyone changing anyone else?

That’s impossible, because everyone exists according to their own ideas, everyone lives for themselves, and you can’t change anyone.

Even if someone does change, it is only if “he” wants to change. That’s right, no one can change unless they want to change themselves, and your efforts will only make the situation worse.

Why do you ever fall in love with this person and then keep trying to change them? Is that what you call “love”?

I must tell you, if he has to become better for you to be able to love; or if he doesn’t change, you don’t love, that is not love, but the conditions you set for love.

To love someone, you can’t just love half of them, you can’t just love the parts you love, you have to love all of them.

Love the beautiful part of him as well as the ugly part, love the present as well as the past, love the good as well as the bad, because the bad is also a part of him.

If you try to change the other person, it means you don’t really love him, but you love yourself.

To make others change, change yourself first; to make things better, make yourself better first.

To finally give up changing others is called “maturity”; to know how to change yourself is called “growth”.

If you really know how to love, you will let yourself be that ideal person, not change others to conform to your ideal.

Your partner is your most valuable mirror

Not becoming perfect, but becoming whole

There is a very rational man and a very emotional woman together. For the man, this allows him to develop his emotional side and become more complete. For the woman, it develops a transcendent rational attitude and makes her more balanced.

If these two people do not integrate their opposing energies, but try to change each other, they will be unbalanced and divided. The man will become more rational and like to reason, while the woman will become more emotional and more prone to “moodiness”.

In this situation, they will grow to hate each other.

You are looking for a significant other to make yourself complete, not for someone who is perfect.

You love an object, not an idol.

Your partner is your most valuable mirror

Not to ask for love, but to love people

Most people enter love for the “wrong” reasons - to end loneliness, to fill a void, to satisfy a need for security, sex, love, affection, finances ...... etc.

Everyone has needs, you need this; I need that. Lovers see in each other an opportunity to have their needs met.

So the two begin to trade, if you give me what you have, I will give you what I have.

People call this kind of trade “love”, and when the other person can’t give you something of equal value, it’s hard to trade anymore, and you’re “not in love”.

If you look deeper into people’s romantic relationships, they are like business relationships. Many resentful couples often feel resentful that they have sacrificed too much; many people who have fallen out of love or lost their marriages will be bitter and persistent, but also resentful.

Because I have given to you repeatedly, you just should not let me down, you should give me in return, such love, and “business” what is the difference?

Because both people are pursuing their own desires, both asking for others in order to satisfy themselves, how can there be love in such a relationship?

As long as you need someone to love you, you are the one who lacks love, and if you lack love in your heart, how can you give love to someone? It would be like two beggars begging each other for something they don’t have.

Love is not a noun, but a verb. The feeling of love is the result of action.

Treat others the way you want them to treat you, do what you want them to do for you.

Your partner is your most valuable mirror

Don’t be angered, but be grateful.

It is through others that you can know yourself.

Yes, you can’t know your vulnerability without someone else giving you a blow; you can’t know your tolerance without someone else making you angry; you can’t know your temperament without someone making you angry.

Unfortunately, few people make good use of the mirror of relationships.

When people find themselves in the mirror from others, they either turn away and ignore it, or deny or destroy it.

The reason is simple: because this mirror makes me ugly; I destroy the mirror so that I am not ugly; because this person makes me ugly, I therefore ugly him ...... But does this work?

Of course it doesn’t work. No matter how many mirrors you break, you can’t change your appearance.

If we never met those people who hurt you, criticize you, and accuse you in our life, I’m afraid you will never grow up, will you?

Would you be angry with the doctor who diagnosed your illness?

Even if the doctor opened up and hurt you, shouldn’t you be grateful to him when you are saved and cured?

Shouldn’t you be grateful when someone uses his “evil” to achieve your “good”?

Your partner is the most valuable mirror ......

You can use this to find out what is hidden behind your reactions, you may find some traumas and deep shadows that you have been carrying around for a long time, it may be a trauma from your childhood or youth, or it may be something that has been there for several lifetimes, who knows?

In marriage you can face that experience, and it is the perfect opportunity for self-knowledge and self-awareness.

Unfortunately, most people don’t like to be “revealed” in this way, so they repeatedly deny and reject the mirror that shows their true nature, and that’s the reason why marriages don’t work.

Fortunately, since the marriage, can not be like changing jobs or splitting up with people like a dash to go away, each other can only try to “reconnect”.

However, in this time and again, “re-fix” the process, two people who do not agree slowly get integrated, this is the true meaning of marriage.

 

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